Worst.Yoga.Practice.Ever.

Normally I LOVE yoga, I can't ever get enough! I took several weeks off from yoga and working out for my egg retrieval, luckily I'm finally able to get back into everything again. I've been hitting it hard this week, and loving every minute of it! So last night I went to a restorative yoga practice, those are usually my favorite! The practice is more for relaxation, and rejuvenation, and that is why I love it! You hold poses for ~5 minutes each and they are mostly just stretches that help melt away tension, and stress. You cannot help but feel like a new person at the end of the practice!

Unfortunately, the usual teacher was out, and there was a sub. The sub hadn't taught this before, nor did she have any music, which was a major bummer. The calming music is half of the experience in my opinion. This could have all been doable still if that was the worst of it, but no, it got worse....Right as practice was starting, a pregnant woman walked in and asked if she could squeeze in next to me. Yay, NOT! So I moved my mat a little and made room for her and had an internal pity party but figured once we started I could get into my zone and forget all about her, but again, it got worse.... It wasn't long before she started sniffling, coughing, and sneezing, and she continued to do this for the entire hour. Now, I have to confess, I'm a total Germaphobe, especially around sick people.  I'm not too bad around friends and family, but sick strangers totally stress me out. Every time I would start to drift away and finally relax, I'd hear a cough, or a sniffle, just enough to pull me out of relaxation, and back to the reality of the situation.  So my sadness turned into fear, and anger that I would get sick, then it all just became too much for me to handle. I'm sure my mood swings from the Lupron Depot also contributed, I was just an absolute mess! I'm lucky this practice is held in dimmed light, and that everyone keeps their eyes closed for the whole practice, because I was silently sobbing for almost the entire hour. Once Shavasana came (the final pose) I knew I needed to pull myself together long enough to make it to my car, then I could just let it all go once I was alone. I was able to do this, but once I got to my car, I just completely lost it in every possible way. I was still hysterically crying when I got home, luckily my husband was home to comfort me, which actually helped me a ton.

He told me he was having a rough day too. He and a few co-workers went out to lunch, which seemed harmless at first. One of them had a baby this year, and they were meeting up with a former co-worker to catch up. The lunch conversation was heavily centered on everyone talking about their kids, comparing stories, etc...It made my husband feel isolated, and sad because he was the only one without kids, and as well all know, being childless is not his choice. But it also just made it awkward because he had nothing to contribute to the discussion, he had to just sit there and listen. It's hard for people to understand what this feels like unless they have gone through infertility, it really is a lot harder than you'd think. My heart aches thinking about how he felt during that lunch.  I don't want my husband to be sad either, but somehow knowing we were both having a bad day made me feel closer to him, and helped me to feel less alone in that moment.

 I'm sure this won't be our last bad day, but hopefully there won't be too many more of these days before we finally get our happy ending. We are both doing much better today, and that is all that matters. Every time life knocks us down, we will most definitely pick ourselves back up to fight another day, this I promise!

I want to end this with a few of my favorite quotes, I look back on these images quite frequently, especially on rough days like yesterday. These have given me strength on days when I had none. It's amazing how just one positive thought can keep you going even on the darkest of days.

Until next time,

XOXO