We are 1 in 8

I have so many things that I wish to talk about with regards to National Infertility Awareness Week.  This is obviously a cause that weighs very heavily on my heart, and just thinking about it makes me insanely emotional. This week is so important to me, and I just wanted to share a few of my thoughts and feelings. I've tried to organize my ideas so that this post doesn't just come across as a giant mess or a rant, please bear with me.

1 in 8 couples are infertile, and T and I are that lonely 1 in this statistic. If you are also struggling with infertility, you probably understand how lonely and awful being in this category can feel at times. If you are not part of this category, you may not quite understand what all we're going through. There have been some things that have come up recently in some of my close relationships that continue to open my wounds and just make me feel so isolated and different. Unfortunately, this is a pain and emptiness that some of my favorite people just cannot understand.  I've never been able to find the words to explain how I feel, probably because there aren't any... But I have read in several publications and books that the grief that we feel is compared to the grief that a terminally ill individual feels. I have also seen it compared to dealing with the loss of a loved one. I'm not trying to turn this post into a depressing post about death, I promise.  I'm trying to shed a little light on what we've been going through for almost 2 years.  These comparisons may sound overly dramatic, but they are probably the closest comparisons to what infertility really feels like...

This pain that we constantly feel is very real, and is sometimes so strong that it takes all of our strength just to get ourselves out of bed to face the day. I've had so many people offer up advice, and I just want to say, as much as I appreciate advice, it really isn't what I need right now. I can't hear how we should adopt, how maybe it just isn't meant to be, how once we stop trying it will happen, etc... These things are not helpful, in fact they make me want to pull away and not open up anymore. We're undergoing IVF, that was our choice, we stand by it 100%. We don't need advice, we've made our choices, and we just need your love and support now. We need you to listen to us, judgement free. I don't expect everyone to understand, all I ask is for one minute of your time, please try to put yourself in our shoes before saying certain things. I guess I just ask for a little sensitivity about this subject. Here's a great list that I found of Do's and Don'ts when trying to interact with someone who is dealing with infertility. Every couple has their own limits as to how much they're willing to talk about their struggles, and respecting those limits is very important as well. As for me, I 'm really pretty open, I just need that sensitivity because most of the time discussing our infertility will make me quite emotional.

I have seen a huge transformation in myself because of our infertility. I have matured so much in such a short period of time, and in a good way! I have so much more compassion, and love for everyone--For family, friends, even strangers. Life's struggles have a way of shaping us into beautiful people, and I really think that this whole experience has made me the best possible version of myself. I am a better wife, daughter, sister, and friend because of this experience. I will also be a better mother when the time comes. Overall, I care more.

I have met so many AMAZING people because of this journey, and I have been forever changed because of the impact they have had on me and my life. There are so many incredible people in this world that I never would have met without infertility. They have inspired me, they have given me strength, but most of all they have given me hope. I am forever grateful for these people and experiences. There are so many other couples that are fighting this same fight.  My heart breaks for you when things are not going well, and I celebrate right there along with you when you succeed and beat infertility. You all have had an impact on my life, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your lives with me!

Please join me in the movement this week, you can join in so many different ways. Maybe it's reading a little more about infertility.  Maybe it's reaching out to someone you know who is also struggling with infertility. Maybe it's just sharing the statistic that 1 in 8 couples are infertile with a friend, family member, or colleague. Maybe it's as simple as a positive thought or prayer for all of us fighting this fight. Anything counts, the sky is the limit!  I thank you ahead of time!!!

Lastly, a personal word to our family and friends:
Please don't pull away from us just because it's hard to relate to us right now, we need our family and friends now more than ever. We are happy to discuss infertility, we are happy to answer questions, overall, we want to let you in.  All we ask in return is for a little more compassion, and a little more sensitivity. We really do need you all right now!


XOXO